her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize