Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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