12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
