I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
