I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize