i would punch a child for taco bell
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
