at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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