um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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