So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize