ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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