i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize