Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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