there's paper in my vomit.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
