im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
