Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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