I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
