I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I see more hoeing in ur future
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
