Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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