now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Randomize
