I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
