I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
