are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
