Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
