You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
