btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
