your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
