Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
