For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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