You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
