If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
