Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
