a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
