She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it was like eating out sand paper
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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