i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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