Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
