its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
