can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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