Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
