Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
