if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
