there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
