tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
