is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize