I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
