i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
