The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
