those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize