She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
