it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
