she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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