My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
