I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize