i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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