direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
