the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
