last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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