My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize