when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
