my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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