help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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