2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i think my cat just said my name.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
