Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
