then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
