onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
