i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
