I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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