I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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