And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
