i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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