he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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