I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
