apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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