OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
